OJ Simpson back in court

Las Vegas, Nevada — OJ Simpson was back in court today in an effort to overturn his kidnapping and armed robbery conviction.  His hands were cuffed to his belt and legs shackled.  A bit grayer and porkier these days, the former sports, TV commercial and movie star believes bad advice four years ago from his long time lawyer is what caused his conviction.

His new lawyers are trying to help him get it straight this time

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© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

POLL: IRS political targeting — who’s responsible?

Washington, D.C. – What does it say about our country when a government entity as powerful as the IRS targets specific groups and organizations that have competing views with the current administration – in this case conservative vs. liberal.

The IRS singled out for scrutiny organizations with names and positions that included the terms “tea party,” “patriots,” “9/12 Project” – and critical views relating to government debt or taxes, government spending, and educating the public on how to “make America a better place to live” etc.

Organizations meeting these criteria were put on a “Be on the Lookout” list (BOLO), for scrutiny…

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White House spokesman Jay Carney says President Obama will withhold blaming unknown Republican operatives for this outrageous conduct until his specially appointed task force completes its investigation.

Attorney General Eric H. Holder announced on Tuesday the Justice Department and FBI would examine whether any laws were violated at the agency, which has admitted targeting groups with the words “tea party” and “patriot” in their names.

© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

POLL: What to do with Ohio kidnapper-rapist Ariel Castro?

Cleveland, Ohio — Ariel Castro is being held on $8 million dollar bond for suspected rape and kidnapping of three young women for almost a decade.  Also being held are his brothers Pedro Castro, 54, and Onil Castro, 50.  It is believed one of these three men fathered a 6-year-old with one of the victims.  Formal charges are expected to be completed this Wednesday…

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© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Ohio kidnapper and rapist — life in prison or death penalty?

Cleveland, Ohio — Ariel Castro, accused kidnapper and rapist, claimed in a 2004 suicide note that he was abused as a child and that regarding his victims, “They are here against their will because they made a mistake of getting in a car with a total stranger.”

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In the case of Ariel Castro, who hijacked the lives of three innocent, young women and tortured them for years, there is no doubt he deserves life in prison.  But in this post, we pose the question, “Is that enough?”  Does the depravity of Mr. Castro’s crimes warrant the Death Penalty?  Vote your conscience…

© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

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Pussy Riot band member Nadezhda Tolokonnikova denied parole

WORLD: Moscow — Member of Russian feminist punk band group Pussy Riot, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, was denied parole on Friday.  She and two other members of the band were charged with “hooliganism” in March of last year for performing a “punk prayer” in a church, criticizing Putin, the Prime Minister of Russia at the time.  She was sentenced to two years in a “penal colony”.

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She was later quoted as saying, “Hey, it could be worse.  There’s plenty to keep me entertained here in the penal colony.  I’m so glad they didn’t send me to the vagina colony!”

A number of American celebrities and dignitaries took up for the fresh-faced young woman, including former presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton.

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Raw YouTube footage of the band’s unconventional performance at Christ the Savior Cathedral in central Moscow, Russia’s main Orthodox church, which got them into trouble can be accessed via this link.  It appears they were doing a Russian version of the Harlem Shake.  Caution, viewer discretion is advised lol…

© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Feds frustrated in ricin letter case

Tupelo, Mississippi — Perturbed federal agents came up empty-handed in their investigation of a Mississippi, Elvis impersonator.  Charges were dismissed today without prejudice for lack of evidence against Paul Kevin Curtis.

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They have now focused their suspicion on another Mississippi man, Everett Dutschke.  A ten hour search of his property was concluded today.  Investigators declined to say if he now is a suspect for sending  ricin-laced letters to President Barack Obama and others because he may also have impersonated Elvis in the past.

© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Stoners descend on Denver capitol like locust pack

Denver, Colorado — Thousands of stoners began flooding the Capitol grounds this morning in the Mile HIGH city of Denver.  It is the start of the annual Weed Fest stoner migration named 420, coined by an early 70′s stoner group named the Waldos…

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Within hours of first toke, local merchants, convenience stores and fast food joints began complaining their shelves had been emptied of consumable stocks such as snack foods, burgers, hot dogs, pizza and the like.  FEMA and the National Guard have been called up to help restore calm through the emergency resupply of food stocks.

Meanwhile, President Obama reportedly had an epiphany while watching events progress in Denver on the Fox news channel…

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© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness