Recent terror activity in U.S. spawns global manhunt

A global manhunt is on by U.S. officials to find those responsible for recent acts of terror and violence…

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© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Pew & Gagme Foundation: National poll results for Mars mission candidates

Washington, D.C. — It was announced today that applications are being sought for a trip to the red planet.  A national poll by the esteemed Pew & Gagme Foundation found that Americans overwhelmingly favored choosing their candidates for the one-way mission to Mars.  There were several hundred members of congress suggested with the top three candidates consisting of Barak Obama, Joe Biden and John Boehner.

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Furthermore, the objective of this bold new journey is the colonization of Mars and procreation of our species.  Hillary Rodham Clinton and Nancy Pelosi are the current front runners to be their female counterparts and breeding mates.  Undoubtedly the human race would anxiously await image transmissions of our first little Martian offspring.  

Please feel free to post your candidate suggestions in the comments section below…

© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

A stunning revelation about one of Washington’s finest

In other news it was leaked by political staffers that Nancy Pelosi is being committed to a specialized form of rehabilitation.  Rumors and speculation are that she may have a moderate case of demonic possession…

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© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Congress makes historic progress on gun violence

NATION: Washington, D.C. – Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer delivered details of important progress made by congress this week on gun violence…

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© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Kerry warning and effort to calm South Korea

SOUTH KOREA, Seoul – Speaking to reporters, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry offered stern warnings to Kim Jong-un about his rhetoric on use of nuclear weapons, while seeking to calm South Koreans…

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© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Kerry presses on in Mideast

ISRAEL, Tel Aviv — Meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry wrapped up three days of high-level Mideast diplomacy.  

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Kerry sought to lower expectations ahead of this week’s trip, saying his goal was simply to listen and learn.. 

© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness

Obama’s 2014 budget plan — is that an oxymoron?

Washington, D.C. – Obama plans to reveal his budget plan on Wednesday for 2014.  He is reportedly staying consistent with the same general message he’s promoted since taking office…

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House Republicans have already rejected Obama’s bloated overspending and therefore a new round of congressional circle jerk is soon to commence.

© 2013 The Daily Duce Dispatch and The Austin Daily Duce Dispatch by Jeffrey Fadness